Dear Jennifer:

When I wrote that I wasn’t going to haggle with you like a rug dealer in a Persian bazaar (or “bizarre” if you prefer) - I meant that only as a simile, a figure of speech.

I cannot be more blunt than I have already been. I will only pay for those items I have expressly agreed to pay for in my letters to you.

As to the cable TV deposit, Karen, you should know that the landlord does not pay a deposit to his tenant, but rather a tenant pays a deposit to the landlord!

- Ryan Crabtree

Dear Jennifer:

Your lease says that you are to pay all utility bills, except for garbage collection and water.

When I told you to call P.G. & E. to transfer the gas and electricity to your house to you, I did not give you permission to have them send the bill to me! I expressly told you when you signed the lease that you were to pay the gas & electric bill!

I don’t know why you have had the bills sent to me, but you should call P.G. & E. immediately to have the service transferred to your name because I’m going to call them to have it taken out of my name. As you know, I can’t have the service turned off since there’s only one meter for your & the White's electricity.

Jennifer - you’ve got to stop playing games with me. My patience is getting pretty stretched.

- Ryan Crabtree

Dear Ryan

I didn’t understand your letter.

I don’t want to buy a rug in a Persian bizarre. I just want you to pay for the stuff I talked about in my letters to you (especially the Cable TV deposit, which is overdue.)

Jennifer

P.S. - Good news. I fixed my jeans so now you won’t have to pay for them.

J.

Dear Ryan:

Hello!! I’m just writing to let you know how much I’m looking forward to moving my new home.

Jennifer has described the house to me and it sounds dreamy. I know we will get along famously. As you know, I’m an artist and I’m majoring in interior design at UC. I’m looking forward to trying out some of my ideas in my new home. I’m leaving money matters to Jennifer. Being an artist, I’m not as practical as she is!

I’ve been studying art in Washington this summer. One of the things I’ve learned here is a new oil transfer process for marbleizing walls and ceilings. Of course I’ll check with you before doing any work on my walls, but I know you’ll just love it.

I have a gauzy picture in my mind of the house now. I know that with work, imagination, and some financial assistance from you, I can turn my new home into an enchanted place.

Yours,

Gabrielle

Dear Jennifer:

Your expectations that I am going to pay for such things as your vacuum cleaner, your telephone, and now, your clothes is totally ridiculous and unrealistic on your part.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but my last letter didn’t seem to make my point clear to you. My last letter was not intended to be an offer in part of a continuing negotiation; like haggling with a rug merchant at a Persian bazaar; but rather a simple statement of what I will and will not pay for.

As far as your jeans are concerned, I can only advise you to look more carefully in the future where you sit. A deck is designed to be walked upon, not sat upon.

Sincerely,

- Ryan Crabtree

Dear Ryan

Got your letter. I’d like to work out a deal with you on my list of expenses.

I’ll pay for the Cable TV stuff if you will pay for the phone stuff and I will pay for the cleaning stuff if you will pay for the vacuum cleaner. Or we can just split the expenses in halfs.

I’d like to get this settled before Gabrielle arrives next month.

Jennifer

P.S. - A few days ago I was sitting on the deck when I stood up I tore my jeans that got caught on a nail in your deck. The jeans costed $42. I’ve saved them so you can see them.

Dear Ryan

When I signed the lease last week, I pointed out the burned-out bulb in the refrigerator. You said if I replaced it myself I could deduct the cost from my next month’s rent along with any other small expenses that were your responsibility. So I am sending you this list of things I plan will deduct from my August rent:

Refrigerator light bulb	$ 2.00
Oven light bulb	2.00
Shed padlock	8.00
Telephone installation	37.00
Telephone	36.00
Telephone extension cord	9.00
Hangers for closets in bedrooms	12.00
Extra front door keys (you OK’ed)	6.00
Fish Food	10.00
Algecide	5.00
Garden tools	16.00
Ice tray for freezer	2.00
Cleaning Stuff	46.00

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer:

I have received your Lists #1 & 2 of expenses you plan to deduct from your rent.

You may deduct the cost of the refrigerator & stove light bulbs, the oven cleaner if the oven was dirty when you moved in, and the keys and the padlock, provided that you return the padlock and its keys to me when you leave.

I will not pay for the other expenses, because I do not believe that they could be normally considered a landlord’s responsibility.

I think you have badly misunderstood me when I said you could make small purchases and deduct them from the rent if I was responsible for them. In the future, before you buy anything that you plan to deduct from your rent, I think you should call me first and get my O.K.

- Ryan

Dear Ryan

List Number 2

Here are some more things I needed in the house and will deduct from rent.

Bay Cablevision Cable TV hookup	$ 50.00
Bay Cablevision deposit	50.00
(I will return this $50 to you when I leave)
Oven Cleaner	4.00
Shed padlock	8.00
Bath rug	30.00
Electric Broom vacuum cleaner	47.00

Jennifer

Dear Ryan

When I signed the lease last week, I pointed out the burned-out bulb in the refrigerator. You said if I replaced it myself I could deduct the cost from my next month’s rent along with any other small expenses that were your responsibility. So I am sending you this list of things I plan will deduct from my August rent:

Refrigerator light bulb	$ 2.00
Oven light bulb	2.00
Shed padlock	8.00
Telephone installation	37.00
Telephone	36.00
Telephone extension cord	9.00
Hangers for closets in bedrooms	12.00
Extra front door keys (you OK’ed)	6.00
Fish Food	10.00
Algecide	5.00
Garden tools	16.00
Ice tray for freezer	2.00
Cleaning Stuff	46.00

Jennifer