Dear Jennifer:

Your expectations that I am going to pay for such things as your vacuum cleaner, your telephone, and now, your clothes is totally ridiculous and unrealistic on your part.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but my last letter didn’t seem to make my point clear to you. My last letter was not intended to be an offer in part of a continuing negotiation; like haggling with a rug merchant at a Persian bazaar; but rather a simple statement of what I will and will not pay for.

As far as your jeans are concerned, I can only advise you to look more carefully in the future where you sit. A deck is designed to be walked upon, not sat upon.

Sincerely,

- Ryan Crabtree